Love Is Not Earned
Kyetu Catalyst. A spark to ignite change!
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I was doomscrolling through Instagram when I stumbled upon a powerful affirmation: "You don't have to DO anything to be loved.”
These words hit me hard. I had just finished reading Cheryl Diamond’s memoir called, “The Nowhere Girl”, where she talks about dealing with conditional love. It really made me think about those relationships where love seems to come with all sorts of strings attached.
I’m also a firm believer in psychologist Carl Jung’s concept of synchronicity. This is the occurrence of meaningful coincidences that seem to have no cause. Seeing that quote online and having just read Diamond’s book. I felt that it was inevitably a topic I wanted to explore for today’s Kyetu Catalyst.
Have you ever found yourself in that place of trying to earn love? That feeling that you have to meet certain expectations or be "good enough" for someone to love you? It can be a heavy load to bear, and it can lead to behaviors that make us dependent on others for validation.
As I read Cheryl Diamond’s book, it was like a mirror to some of the experiences we've likely all had, where it feels like we have to constantly prove our worth to receive love.
But what if we truly believed that love is something we deserve just by being ourselves? What if, we started and stopped with our own personal value, and ignored the external pressure to “earn love”?
Conditional love is toxic, and affects our self-esteem. So, why do so many of us end up in these situations, feeling like love is a prize we have to work for? Maybe it's the pressure from society, or maybe it's the fear of rejection, loneliness, or abandonment that pushes us to constantly seek approval. But what if we could break free from this pattern and realize that we are lovable just the way we are?
Love isn't a business deal; it's a gift. It's about connection, empathy, and understanding. It's not about living up to someone's conditions; it's about embracing our true, imperfect selves and finding acceptance and belonging in that authenticity. And it begins with YOUR own self-love. You must begin by self-loving, self-accepting and according your own self some grace.
We are not therapists, who will guide you down psychoanalyzing your childhood, to pinpoint where it all started. That is something we encourage you to do with a trained professional. But what we can do, is help you acknowledge and accept where you are today, in today’s present moment, and how to break patterns of diminished self-worth.
For today’s Kyetu Catalyst, we invite you to take a moment to think about your own experiences. Have you ever felt the need to earn love, whether from family, friends, or a partner? How has this affected your choices, your actions, and your self-image? Grab your journal and jot down your thoughts for 3 minutes about your encounters with conditional love. Don’t over think it. Just write openly.
Now, consider how you can change your perspective. How can you start living with the understanding that you are loved simply for being you? It's a potent affirmation that can reshape your relationships and your self-worth. You are perfect exactly as you are; worthy of love and affection. Just as you are. Just for being.
Thanks for joining us on today's Kyetu Catalyst. Please share our podcast with your loved ones. You just might be the spark to ignite change!
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