Release Expectation
Kyetu Catalyst. A spark to ignite change!
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I took a yoga class earlier this morning and I was really struggling through it because my muscles are very sore and tender. I had the flu two weeks ago. The real flu. Not the one that I have often called “the flu” when I really actually had a cold.
Unfortunately one of the side effects is muscle pain that can last for several weeks afterwards. So here I am, doing gentle yoga; not even a higher level hot flow. Just very simple, gentle yoga, because I wanted to ease my way back into it. But today I just couldn't do the most basic moves I’ve done over and over for the past 25-years. Everything hurt. Everything felt painful and difficult. I didn't feel aligned in my body. And I just spontaneously started crying in the class. The instructor clued in, and came over to me, and asked, “Are you okay?” And I said, “No, everything hurts.” And then she said the most beautiful words. So simple. She said, “Release expectation.”
And that's what I want to talk about in today's Catalyst. Let’s start by addressing the delicate tension between releasing expectation and shooting for the stars. It’s a really interesting dichotomy.
On the one hand, you want to set yourself to a high standard, and strive to achieve your desires. On the other hand, you also have to honor what the circumstance is telling you. In the yoga case described above, the body was saying “this hurts in an atypical way, please stop”, while the mind was pushing, and responding with disappointment and perceived failure.
To quote Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote The Four Agreements, you always want to do your very best.
“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
- Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Circumstances and context are going to alter what the definition of your very best is. Your very best, on a day where you’ve slept eight hours, hydrated appropriately, eaten nutritiously, and haven't been experiencing stress from work, is going to be very different than when you’re recovering from the Flu.
And so you have to as a result, simultaneously do your very best AND release expectation. Because you have to be in the moment, and you have to understand what the context of the moment is telling you. So it's about listening to your body. It's about watching the cues in the environment. And ultimately, it's about being aware.
What else does release expectations mean? You can think of it in terms of expectations of beauty, or fitness, or wealth! There are endless cultural, religious, societal, gender, educational, and demographic expectations that have been placed on you. You may feel encumbered by, or enslaved to them.
And there's a big difference here, between what you've set out as your own goal or desire versus images and expectations that have been dictated to you. Your OWN goals and personal expectations are something you actively choose. These are bars that you’ve set to achieve on your terms, with behaviors and actions that will get you to the finish line. Unlike dictated expectations, which have been repeatedly imposed upon you, to the point where you may question your own belief system. Do you really want these things? These experiences? This lifestyle? Or did someone else shape this path for you?
Take a minute now to think about what some of those expectations might be. This is the moment to grab your journal and to write down what images come to mind when you think about expectations of wealth, your body, fitness, food, lodging, education… Really, there's no constraint here. You want to reflect upon any expectations that you feel shackled by; that you feel that you are endebted to participate in. What are the aspects of your life that you want to opt out of? That you are doing, even when you're not sure if you really want to?
Now take a minute to look at that list, and ask yourself, “Is this what I desire? Are these things that I value? Are these things I believe in?” If so great! But if not, release expectation. Release it, get rid of it. Throw it away. It won't serve you because you're not striving for it. And it’s empty.
These expectations will only frustrate you, because they are somebody else's dreams. They are somebody else's aspirations. Your time and energy are much better spent focusing on what your OWN true desires, aspirations, values and goals are, and then working towards that. The rest can be discarded, because it's not yours. Release expectation.
Thanks for joining us on today's Kyetu Catalyst. Please share our podcast with family, friends, and in your social networks. You just might be someone else’s spark to ignite change!
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